We don't fit in anywhere but we're not staying home

Never what one would call the popular kid, as a child I was the reader, the artist, the one 

that faded into the background. So I guess it's fitting that my own daughter marches to the beat of her own drum. To be honest, I sometimes think she may have missed the parade entirely, but it doesn't bother her in the slightest. Her official diagnosis is still yet to be determined, so for now, we just call her quirky, unique, maybe a bit tempestuous.  That's a polite way of saying that my daughter does a lot of off the wall s***, that she acts like a squirrel who just chugged a case of red bull. Don't let this adorable picture fool you, my child is the sweetest kid on this planet, but piss her off and she morphs like a Mogwi after midnight. Seriously though, this picture? How adorable is this little monster??

Among her many peculiar, yet endearing qualities is her attachment to odd objects. She once carried around a potato for 3 days, like an emotional support potato. Luckily, that phase ended before the potato rotted. She must have something in her hands at all times, which is a blessing, because her idle hands are a one way ticket to destruction. It's hard enough keeping up with a toddler who lacks fine motor dexterity, but my 6 year old can now open drawers, doors, and cabinets. Also, she can climb. Nothing in our house is safe. And for a kid who can't put together a sentence, she has figured out how to swear with an unsettling amount of correct context. I can hear all the Preachy Patties and Judging Janet's picking up their jaws off the floor. Yes, my six year old child called her teacher the B word, and she was reprimanded for it. If that's not enough for you, you can come down and discipline this kid yourself, Dr. Spock. Good freaking luck.  

All of this doesn't exactly put us on the top of the invite list. Unfortunately for my daughter, her mother is equally socially awkward, so I can't even fake my way through a play date with a cheery laugh.  We've tried mommy and me, play groups, one miserable year at preschool during which I'm almost positive I saw her teacher develop a facial tick. No matter where we go, my child walks in with confidence, and quickly wears out her welcome. And it's a lot less fun being the mom walking behind your kid having to remind them that it's not ok to lick the floor, the walls.....other children. I can practically feel the eyes of the germ police putting a bounty on my head. For the record, yes, it is extremely gross, I acknowledge that fully, but I'm sure the back of your child's neck isn't germ free either, so get off my back. She thinks she is part dinosaur, be glad she is only taste testing, and not full on biting. Count your blessings, is all I'm saying. 

SO....why do I keep putting us out there? Why do I subject the world to my kid? For practical reasons, I get sick of sitting at home. Socially awkward, yes, but not enough to stay stuck in the house all the time. If we did that, my kid and I may actually kill one another. On a whole other level is the fact my kid is most likely one of the 1 in 59 children diagnosed with Autism. Holy.....s***. Did I say 1 in 59?  Uh, yep. Latest stats say that is how many kids are on the spectrum, and it shows no signs of slowing down. I'm not an expert, I don't know what causes this, but I do know these kids aren't going anywhere. They are going to grow up alongside their peers, and if your child isn't in that 1 in 59, chances are super fantastic they have already encountered a child on the spectrum. They are going to have to learn to work and live alongside the neuro diversity. I'm not saying let my kid lick yours, or that I'm not mortified when my six year old parrots " Move, a** hole" in the middle of Target because she hears it slip out of my mouth. (Guilty). I'm just saying hold the stink eye and try for a little understanding, then talk s*** in the parking lot like a normal person. 

Total transparency, I'm not above being a judgmental douche waffle. True, I do it silently, I won't confront you about why you still breastfeed your 5 year old. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but if your kid can come up and ask, " Pardon me mother, may I partake of the breast-milk?", using the kings English, it's time to wean that kid. But I keep that opinion to myself in your presence. If I can do that, you can certainly hold your tongue when my 6 year old has a meltdown in aisle six because a 15 minute shopping trip has pushed her beyond her limits. 

Bottom line: We're not staying home because it makes people uncomfortable. ASD parents are the same as you, we are just doing the best we can to make it through the day. And ASD or not, if you see a parent struggling, put down the preachy drum, and smile at them.  Let them know you get it. My god, sometimes the only way I get through a tough moment is camaraderie with another mom who says, "I get it." I guarantee that you have never helped someone by suggesting they discipline their kid. Shockingly, the majority of parents get that kids need boundaries. 

(And if you have no children, for the love of all things good and holy, we do not need your advice, you can sit down and shut up. Until you've had it out with a tiny version of yourself over A 40.00 Elsa doll, you don't get to have a opinion.) 

To the ASD parents out there, ours is a rough road but also amazing and unique. When you are at your lowest, let yourself be sad, angry, super pissed, let yourself feel however you feel, then do what you do best: embrace the chaos and move forward. And remember that no one is better equipped to fight alongside your kid than you.